God Is Still God

I have been super busy lately, but I worked a day off of school, and now I can finally type again!! YAY!!

*** I wanted to add a note here. I mention several times below my "spiritual family". They are a group of people God gave me at my church that provide constant examples of His love and grace. Their good examples showed me how to thrive spiritually by leaning on God. I got to know all of them personally so much so that they feel like family; thus, I call them my spiritual family.

Anyway, so how have y'all been? Long story short, we're still staying in rentals, I'm still writing songs, and my life is still a never-ending adventure. Not everything changes all at once, ya know?

But anyway, I wanted to share a testimony of how God has been good to me during this season of my life, through not having our own home and without any idea of where we will eventually live.

I've come to realize that God truly is my Rock. So much has changed for me in the last five months. We sold our house, we've lived multiple rentals, two of my precious kitties ran away, I became a songwriter, and now it's about to be Christmas. But in all of this, God has not moved. He has not changed. And He certainly has never left me.

I think I finally understand how David really felt when he said that the Lord was his refuge and his fortress. David had a lot going on. He ran for his life from Saul, he had to go to battle against his own son, and he had to play king. Not all of this happened at once, but that's still a lot to go through. I've felt so close to God that I thought I could touch Him, and I've felt so lost that I thought I'd never get back to Him. But He has never changed, no matter what I was going through. He has always been there, and He held me all along.

When my birthday came around back in August is when I actually began to notice God's goodness firsthand. We had only been away from Rocky Mount for about a month, but I missed my spiritual family tremendously. I did get to call several people and see them on video chat, and it was great to catch up, but I still missed them. They were amazing examples of true Christians to me, and it was a little hard to know if I was spiritually healthy without their constant examples. I had to hang onto what God taught me through them, and I had to hang onto God's Word, constant prayer, and journaling. I thrived in Christ like never before. It was amazing.

God noticed me. He remembered how hard I was trying to serve Him despite trials. He understood my pain, and He knew that I was persevering through it.

I remember when I stepped foot into the house my grandparents rented while they were visiting for my birthday. It was right down the road, and it felt like a mansion. I remember God saying to me "Happy birthday." I was dumbfounded. What? God was giving me a birthday gift? Well, kind of. That was just how He got me to notice the blessings that He was pouring down on me.

I stayed in that 'mansion' all week, and I enjoyed it so much. I got the basement room, which was huge. No kidding, I ate so much sugar that I danced like David in pure awe of how God had worked all of this out. I mean why not, it felt like a ballroom it was so big!

I will never forget that sweet moment. Those intimate times where your Heavenly Father speaks to you don't go away easily. So, as He blessed me again for Christmas it was all still very fresh.

We were looking for a new house to rent because our time in Burnsville was almost up. I still missed my Englewood family so incredibly much, but I had learned to lean wholly on God because He's the only thing you can't lose.

One morning my mom came to me and said "We booked a house until the New Year that is only 45 minutes from Rocky Mount."

I felt like I got the wind knocked slam out of me, and right then and there, God said "Merry Christmas." I ran around the house like a child on Christmas morning. I was so joyful and once again in awe of God. I went outside so that I could let out the screams of delight which I couldn't hold back. I was happy crying in my bedroom and laughing and praying all at once. I probably looked like a lunatic from the outside, but God was looking at my heart, and He found overflowing gratitude.

You know, I think that parents genuinely like to surprise their children to see their reaction and to make them happy. I had not seen anyone from my church for about four months. That's a long time. My reaction was so genuine, and I think that God liked that. I was not faking happiness, rather, I couldn't contain my pure joy.

I want to pause here and say a few other things, though. The day before I found out where we were staying was one of those days where it feels like God is gone. I think that maybe it gets this way because we are not searching diligently for Him as we should be, but nevertheless, it was one of those days. I told him, though, that I was not going to let this separate us and that I believed that He was still there. The next day, He spoke to me. And I also want to clarify that I'm not telling you all of this to say that God is good to me. I'm telling you all of this for the following reasons: so you know to look for His goodness in your life, and to testify that He is still good in the midst of hardship.

I finally got to reunite with my entire spiritual family and my friends. No sooner that I stepped into this sacred, familiar place, one of my faith sisters ran into me like a bullet train and was sooo excited to see me. It was great to see her. I got to see one of my young lady leaders, who is also a sister to me, and she was happy like usual. Another day I got to see one of my other best friends! She instinctively said "Hey" and two seconds later, she looked up and was like "Hey! What are you doing here?" She and I get along really well, and we often talk about the mountains. I was so excited to see all of these dear people and to just be back in the house of the Lord. I was trembling with joy and happy crying.

I sat down with the group when the service began, and my eyes fell on my youth pastor’s wife. She holds a very special place in my heart as the mother of my spiritual family, and when I saw her, I kind of froze. I obviously expected to see her there, but there's something about seeing a precious face that you haven't looked on in so long that it just puts you in a state of shock. I really couldn't contain myself, and the girl beside me looked a little worried about me. As soon as the games started, I ran to the sound area where she was.

It was such a good reunion with everybody, but one person remains. That would be my youth pastor, whom is the leader of my spiritual family as the father. He was among the first people that I could see God in, and the first to reach out to me and make me feel welcome. I had seen him in the kids area as soon as I entered Englewood, and my first instinct was to run up to him, but I knew better that to run away from m mom without saying why.

When he was finished opening the lesson for the younger kids, he came back to the Edge. We ended up meeting in-between the rows of chairs. He said "Hey Alana. It's been a while, and it's good to have you back." I knew I was beaming, I could feel it. How many nights had I wished that I could hear him preach, or see his face and hear his voice, or I had just genuinely missed him so much? All I could do was hug him and reply was "It's so good to see you, too."

I want you to understand that God is still just as good in the trials as He was before the trials. If you keep the faith, if you keep trusting and believing even though circumstances seem unpleasant, God will continue to show up in your life. I promise that. He is a God that sticks with you no matter what it is that you walk through. As a matter of fact, He's the one that walks you through and delivers you safely on the other side of pain. That's why I say that I use God as my GPS (God's Planning System). He plans what is going to happen long before the event actually occurs, and as long as you let Him hold you, He will carry you across the storm safely.

There are so many things that we never see coming. For instance, I did not expect that my sweet kitties would run away a few weeks ago. But it happened anyway, and guess what? Instead of letting my life fall apart over it, I chose\choose to let Jesus walk me down the path of healing. And then there are the things that have been on your calendar for months, but it seems so unsuspected and hard-to-believe when it actually happens. For example, our move-away date. I knew what day we were leaving our home for good, but when the time came that I closed the back door for the last time, it felt so sudden and like I had no time to prepare.

Here's the beauty in all of that. You learn to let yourself fall into the arms of Jesus and to have faith as you step into the unknown. There's so much intensity and adventure in the moment when you fully let go of what you cannot control, but it's also the most peaceful and blissful moment you'll experience. You need to comprehend this. Before you were formed in your mother's womb, God already knew that you would walk through this trial, and He already knew its outcome. He already had all of the details worked out for this, yet we worry so needlessly as if He has lost control! Um, how silly we are! Why do we let ourselves go through the pain when we could prosper spiritually and spend the time of our trial growing closer than ever to God?

I don't know what raging sea you are trying so hard to swim through unless you have told me, but I do know this. Jesus is more that happy to say "Peace, be still" and be our rescuer if we let Him. He longs to ease us of our burdens and provide us with peace, but that only comes when we have deep faith and an intimate relationship with Him. Friend, whatever you are going through, I urge you, surrender it to God and watch ashes turn to beauty as your story and His plan unfold.